i want You more than i want the past.

i'm home.
after hours of driving and relentless obstacles,
i'm back home. (and i'm not talking about OKC)

this christmas break was the most restful, but one of most difficult i've encountered in the 3 i've had as a college student. i didn't go home the whole time, and that's a whole other story in itself (see "i want You more than the attention"), but when i did, i was welcomed with a swarm (and i mean SWARM) of insecurities. everything i ever used to be came right back up in my face.

this time, i'm not writing about a fast.
i'm writing about a failure.

the guilt of allowing myself to go back to who i was in 2007 kills me. insecure, pottymouth, willing to sacrifice any part of my dignity for a cheap laugh. i've tried to deny this is what happened, but i got lazy and i feel like i've taken steps backwards during this time away. that scares me because when i graduate, who am i going to be?

i've got a lot of work to do.