i want You more than i want control.

street evangelism is fun.

prophetic street evangelism is TERRIFYING.

you spend all day, praying and seeking God for this little clue as to where you even begin.

and if you're anything like me, you still question what you think you heard.

last tuesday night was the first time i prayed for God to show me stuff before we went out.

and, as usual, the unknown creeped up out of nowhere and started freaking me out.

i talked to my prophetic friend, matthew, and got transparent with him.

he kept encouraging me and told me not to doubt.

felt better for a while, then started freaking out again.

i'm one who needs to be in charge.

i don't have to be the boss, but i need to know the assignment so i can tackle it by the horns.

i don't do stuff halfway.

and, as a result of past experiences, i feel like i have to be in control as a means of protection.

we went out after tuesday night service,

down to main street,

where the christmas lights glow brighter than anywhere in dallas.

we spoke to a few homosexual couples without bringing up Jesus,

cause we plan to see them again and building relationship is vital.

i didn't have a word for anyone, but main street was what God showed me

and so our ending up there was what encouraged my faith.

my friends matthew and krubel spoke to a homeless man who had been abandoned by the church.

i want to find that man and keep speaking love and life over him.

that night, i realized that if i'm in control, i'm much more limited than

when i submit my life to God's control.

may seem easy to you, but it's one of the hardest lessons to learn.

matthew chapter 6? i believe? talks about this.

why do we worry so much? if God can feed the birds of the air and cause the grass to grow and give animals shelter, why in the heck do we think He can't take care of us? (that was my paraphrase of this passage, for those of you who didn't catch on.)

so i finally submitted to His control,

and even a week later, i'm wayyyy happier about this journey.